The New Moon was in Scorpio yesterday and on the 16th Black Moon Lilith will enter the sign of the scorpion. Not surprisingly, I've been feeling into the collective shadow of our relationship to the feminine and encountering some deep, deep wounds recently. Whatever the root cause of our collective repression of this vital energy - patriarchal god-the-fathers, an imagined telos of transcendence through scientific progress that denies all earthly limitation, an unacknowledged fear of death - when we disassociate from our Earth Mother we are disconnecting from life itself. For lack of a less cheesy way to put it, we are all made of Her. And while this is not necessarily or inherently about gender - our biological categories are simply inadequate to describe life and its complexity - it can hardly be argued that Earth doesn't have an issue with the way we regard and treat women ("biological," "female" or otherwise).
As I write this, I feel more aware than ever of the dominant cultural values I've internalized that want to fashion and be serviced by my expression. Such as the importance of being 'knowledgeable' as a writer. Admittedly, I know very little, I don't have answers and am chronically unsure about why I even keep writing. How about the idea that projecting confidence or mastering your delivery ensures ten-times-more trust than actually being honest? In our absurd world, realness triggers suspicion and we endlessly strategize how to control our image. That is not to say that authenticity only exists in the raw. There are countless processes to pull what's true into more powerful expression through cunning artfulness, gentle-loving simplicity, undying desire to share what's inside beautifully... and on and on.
There are many examples of people who negotiate this territory fabulously. Who find balanced empowerment from a whole spectrum of qualities and don't feel so internally at odds. And maybe it's this New Moon and the impending ingress of Black Moon Lilith in the sign of sex, death and rebirth, but I want to over-compensate... just a little. I want to get bawdy because the only better tension release than an orgasm is possibly laughter. I want to let my silly woman speak with no pressure to be cool or witty. I want the right to be "boring," to relax and satisfy a deep, earthy appreciation for quiet and solemnity. I want to unravel with rage over mankind's destructiveness, arrogance and greed. I want to indulge in a good cry about the most beautiful things. Between achievements and destinations, I want to savor life. I want to home, and stay home, to me.
I have been all about making collages these days. Picking through old magazines and gathering a variety of striking images, playing with arrangement, trusting my intuition as guide. Because magazine content and advertisements are already attempting to access, ping and influence our subconscious, collages hit us at a deep level. Working with this medium defies my ability to first select a topic and then create from or about it. Rather, a stream of seemingly random choices contribute to a meaning that seems to choose itself. Once complete, a collage complicates the desire for a defined subject or a clear means to interpret what appears. It remains staunchly a mystery and thereby can hint at the unknowable.
The cycles of experience within collage-making mirror my life. Some days nothing seems to stick out or inspire. You can be working from the exact same materials from one session to the next and the magic just is or isn't there. There are times I feel a direct and full connection to life. I can tap into my well of intuitive power and sense a unique balance of elements that is highly conductive of love/art/spirit. At other times, everything is just... basically... shit. Through it all is a flowing current. We are not always consciously riding it but it carries us nonetheless.
A collage in the process of becoming takes very little conscious input. I sift through images and tune into that under-running current. Things begin to suggest themselves and it is as if forms just want to become. When I slip into analysis or evaluation I can feel a mounting frustration. That's when patience and trust come in handy. You can give your mind a task - just look for more images - when you can sense it trying to control and determine things. Skimming through pages is so meditative you easily glide back into the flow. I have found in collage a very healing spiritual practice.
Our fixed-earth friend Taurus is all about experience. This tendency can express as attachment to a specific experience but transmutes into being very sensuously alive and present. It is an energy that builds slowly, which is why I am called to speak to collage or any practice that steadily flows until contact with the mystery emerges and flowers. Tragedy, acute fear, close-calls, hallucinogens... all of these can thrust us into a sharp contrast with habitual reality and alter our consciousness, perhaps in valuable ways. But Taurus is about dedication and cultivation of change. This Full Moon in particular is about appreciation, especially for talents, delights, resources or states that you've been investing in and can now thoroughly enjoy. Thank yourself for all you've done to be able to find the right pace where you flow easily with life. Bask in your awesomeness. Have a lovely Full Moon!
My little, well-loved slice of cyber space is like a playground, a pillow for my head to dream upon, a public confessional for the sweetest secrets of my humanity. Thank you for visiting, whoever you are!