The New Moon was in Scorpio yesterday and on the 16th Black Moon Lilith will enter the sign of the scorpion. Not surprisingly, I've been feeling into the collective shadow of our relationship to the feminine and encountering some deep, deep wounds recently. Whatever the root cause of our collective repression of this vital energy - patriarchal god-the-fathers, an imagined telos of transcendence through scientific progress that denies all earthly limitation, an unacknowledged fear of death - when we disassociate from our Earth Mother we are disconnecting from life itself. For lack of a less cheesy way to put it, we are all made of Her. And while this is not necessarily or inherently about gender - our biological categories are simply inadequate to describe life and its complexity - it can hardly be argued that Earth doesn't have an issue with the way we regard and treat women ("biological," "female" or otherwise).
As I write this, I feel more aware than ever of the dominant cultural values I've internalized that want to fashion and be serviced by my expression. Such as the importance of being 'knowledgeable' as a writer. Admittedly, I know very little, I don't have answers and am chronically unsure about why I even keep writing. How about the idea that projecting confidence or mastering your delivery ensures ten-times-more trust than actually being honest? In our absurd world, realness triggers suspicion and we endlessly strategize how to control our image. That is not to say that authenticity only exists in the raw. There are countless processes to pull what's true into more powerful expression through cunning artfulness, gentle-loving simplicity, undying desire to share what's inside beautifully... and on and on.
There are many examples of people who negotiate this territory fabulously. Who find balanced empowerment from a whole spectrum of qualities and don't feel so internally at odds. And maybe it's this New Moon and the impending ingress of Black Moon Lilith in the sign of sex, death and rebirth, but I want to over-compensate... just a little. I want to get bawdy because the only better tension release than an orgasm is possibly laughter. I want to let my silly woman speak with no pressure to be cool or witty. I want the right to be "boring," to relax and satisfy a deep, earthy appreciation for quiet and solemnity. I want to unravel with rage over mankind's destructiveness, arrogance and greed. I want to indulge in a good cry about the most beautiful things. Between achievements and destinations, I want to savor life. I want to home, and stay home, to me.
My little, well-loved slice of cyber space is like a playground, a pillow for my head to dream upon, a public confessional for the sweetest secrets of my humanity. Thank you for visiting, whoever you are!